Prelude

(Scene: CEO’s office)

*The CEO sits in his chair, facing away from his desk. There is a knock on the door.*

CEO: Enter.

*The door opens and the HP enters the room.*

CEO: Ah, HP. Are all the pieces in place?

HP: Yes, CEO. Now all we need to do is wait. Not all of the players are in place yet, and this is beyond our control.

CEO: Then it is almost time to put this plan into effect. How many are left?

HP: The second group is yet to arrive.

*A light starts blinking on the CEO’s desk. He turns the chair around and looks at a small monitor.*

CEO: Well, here they are now. HP, I believe there is somewhere you need to be.

HP: Very good, sir. I’m on my way.

CEO: Soon, we shall crush all our enemies, and Blizzard shall reign supreme!!!!

*The HP leaves the office. The CEO is sitting in his chair, laughing evilly.*

(Fade to black)

When Paranoia Reigns Supreme

(Scene: Somewhere in Blizzard HQ)

*Kebs and Magni quietly make their way towards the programmers lounge through the vents.*

Kebs: Why are we always the ones sent on recon missions?

Magni: Because you can teleport and I can immobilize threats quietly.

Kebs (shrugging): I guess that makes sense. We’re here.

*Magni pulls out a small pen that Whyte handed him before they left the HQ. He unscrews the lid and pulls out 2 small pairs of earphones, and hands 1 set back to Kebs. He then begins pointing the pen at two programmers having a conversation.*

Kebs: Nothing there, they are talking about the latest advancements in carpal tunnel treatment. Try the next conversation.

*Magni proceeds to point the pen at another pair of programmers. A few minutes later, Kebs has fallen asleep out of boredom, when Magni, while listening to a intense debate over pocket protectors, notices the HP walk into the room. Magni shakes Kebs to wake her up.*

Kebs (mumbling): Just 5 more minutes mom, I promise I’ll get up.......

Magni: Wake up, we might have just hit pay dirt.

*Magni points the pen at the HP to overhear what he is saying.*

HP: CWAL is getting very close to getting their hands on Brood War, and all the new units are still horribly unbalanced.

Programmer #1: Yeah, and it’s still full of bugs.......

*The conversation continues on like this for some time, with the HP and one of the programmers discussing all the work that still needs to be done on Brood War, and about how close CWAL is to getting it.*

Kebs: I think we’ve heard enough. Lets get out of here before we get caught.

Magni: I agree.

*Magni and Kebs make their way back the way they came. As soon as they are out of the vents, Kebs teleports them back to PFBS HQ. Meanwhile, back in the programmers lounge, the HP looks at the vent Magni was at. Seeing no-one there, the HP grins and walks out.*

(Scene: CEO’s office)

*The HP and the CEO sit at the desk.*

CEO: So everything is going according to plan?

HP: Yes, it is.

CEO: How soon until we can proceed with phase 2?

HP: Soon. There is one more thing to be done before we can move ahead, and I expect that it will happen soon.

CEO: Excellent, now get back to your duties HP.

*Obediently, the HP gets up, bows, and then leaves.*

(Scene: CWAL HQ)

*Fjorxc and Paranoid CWALer are having a heated debate.*

Fjorxc : You eat it with a SPOON!!!!!

Paranoid CWALer: No, with a FORK!!!!

Fjorxc: SPOON!!!

Paranoid CWALer: FORK!!!

*This goes on for several minutes until the subject finally changes to something else.*

Paranoid CWALer: Everyone knows that you break open a boiled egg at the pointy end!

Fjorxc: You do not! You break it open at the rounded end!

Paranoid CWALer: POINTY END!!!

Fjorxc: ROUNDED END!!

(A few minutes later)

Fjorxc: No, the chicken came BEFORE the egg!!!

Paranoid CWALer: No, AFTER!!!

Fjorxc: BEFORE!!!

Paranoid CWALer: AFTER!!!

(A few minutes later)

*The argument has finally gotten to a subject that is pertinent to this story.*

Fjorxc: No, PFBS is not a secret part of Blizzard.

Paranoid CWALer: I’m telling you, they are!

Fjorxc: No, I’ve seen their HQ. Its no Blizzard base. They’re legitimate.

Paranoid CWALer: You only saw what they wanted you to see.

*Just then, Fron walks in carrying a bowl of Chunky soup and a boiled egg, and sits down at the table.*

Fjorxc: Where’d you get the egg Fron? I though we were out.

Fron: Oh, I got this from Norf’s chicken.

*Fron then cracks the egg open at the rounded end, then gets up.*

Fron: Be right back, forgot a spoon for my soup. No-one touch my food.

*Fjorxc just looks at Paranoid CWALer and grins. Paranoid CWALer gets up from the table, waves his arms in the air and walks away mumbling something about Fjorxc and Fron being out to get him.*

Fron: What’s with him?

Fjorxc: Don’t ask, and why are you having a boiled egg for supper, exactly?

(Scene: Outside CWAL HQ)

Paranoid CWALer: I’m sure Fron and Fjorxc planned that, just to get me.

"Hey, you!"

*Paranoid CWALer starts looking around, trying to figure out where the voice came from.*

Paranoid CWALer: Who’s there?

*A man in a trench coat steps out of a dark alley.*

Man: I am. I have something that you might be interested in.

Paranoid CWALer (suspiciously): What would that be?

Man: A way to prove that you were right about one of the things that you’ve said.

Paranoid CWALer: That you eat Chunky soup with a fork?

Man: No, not that. That PFBS works for Blizzard. Here, take this.

*The man pulls out a folder from under his coat and hands it to Paranoid CWALer.*

Man: This is all that you should need.

*Paranoid CWALer opens the folder and takes a look at the contents, then smiles.*

Paranoid CWALer: Thanks, whoever you are....

*Looking up, he finds no-one there. Shrugging, he heads back to CWAL HQ to show the folder to the rest of CWAL.*

(Scene: CEO’s office)

HP: Sir, Phase 1 is now complete. Everything is on schedule.

CEO: And they didn’t suspect a thing?

HP: No, they didn’t.

CEO: Is everything for Phase 2 prepared?

HP: Yes, it is. Once again, all we have to do is wait.

CEO: Perfect.

(Scene: PFBS HQ)

*PFBS is gathered in the War Room, and have just finished listening to Magni and Kebs recount what they heard.*

Dark Nexus: This isn’t good.

Magni: No it isn’t.

Thunder: What are we going to do now?

Dark Nexus: The only thing we can do. We have to try and convince CWAL to back off.

Kebs: I think we all know how that is going to end up..........

Thunder: Kebs is right, they won’t back off.

Dark Nexus: Then we will have to make them back off.

*Everyone looks up, surprised at what Dark Nexus just said. Everyone except the Speds, who are zapping their tongues with a 9 volt battery.*

Magni: You do realize just how hard that will be, don’t you?

Dark Nexus: Yes, I do, but it’s the only thing we can do. Everyone stay rested, never know when you just might need it.

*Everyone gets up and leaves. On the way out..............*

Sped #1: Dudes, now my tongue is all tingly.....

Speds: Dude........

(Scene: CWAL HQ)

*Paranoid CWALer barges through the door, waving the folder around. Dragoneyes and Supernook are the only ones in the room who notice, because they are the only ones in the room not playing Starcraft.*

Paranoid CWALer: Look at THIS!

Dragoneyes: So, its a folder.

Supernook: Yeah, what’s so special about it?

Paranoid CWALer: Take a look inside it.

*Paranoid CWALer throws the folder onto the table in front of Supernook, who opens it and they all take a look inside.*

Supernook: This CAN’T be good....

Fjorxc (having just come into the room): What can’t be good?

*Supernook hands the folder to Fjorxc.*

Fjorxc: So, its a folder. What’s so bad about it?

Supernook: Take a look inside.

*Fjorxc opens the folder to see a picture of Dark Nexus and the CEO playing tennis. Under that picture is one of Whyte working in the flenser production facility. Fjorxc continues to flip through the stack of pictures, each one depicting PFBS interacting with Blizzard.*

Paranoid CWALer: See? I was right!

Fjorxc: These can’t be real. I say we go to Blizzard and try to find some more information on this.

Supernook: I’m tempted to believe Paranoid CWALer on this one, but I think you have a good idea Fjorxc. We have to be sure about this one......

Fjorxc: To Blizzard!!!

*No-one moves.*

Fjorxc: Uhh.... I thought we were going to Blizzard.......

Supernook: Oh yeah, forgot.

*Still no-one moves.*

Fjorxc: I guess I’m gonna have to organize this myself......

*A few minutes later, Supernook, Fjorxc, Paranoid CWALer, Gluegun, Poeir, Mid Night, Snapper and Jolt head out the door on their way to Blizzard HQ.*

(Scene: PFBS HQ)

*The room is completely dark. Suddenly, Thunder barges into the room and turns on the light.*

Thunder: Nexus, wake up!

Dark Nexus: What is it? It had better be good......

Thunder: Here look at this.

*Thunder hands Dark Nexus a printout.*

Dark Nexus (reading): Okay, lets wake everyone up and tell them to get ready to go. Meet in 10 minutes in the War Room.

(Scene: PFBS War Room, 10 minutes later)

*A group of sleepy-eyed PFBSers come through the door and sit down at the table.*

Magnus: Okay, what’s so important that it couldn’t wait until morning?

Dark Nexus: This is what couldn’t wait.

*Dark Nexus hands Magnus the printout.*

Dark Nexus: It’s an anonymous tip saying that CWAL is to raid Blizzard again tonight. That means that we have to try and stop them. Everyone get ready, we leave in 5 minutes.

(5 minutes later)

Dark Nexus: Everyone ready?

Whyte: Wait, before you leave, I have something for you Magni.

*Whyte hands Magni a set of duct tape grenades.*

Whyte: The glue on these grenades is specially created to oxidize metal.

Magni: Huh?

Whyte: It’ll make rust.

Magni: Oh, cool.

Dark Nexus: Now are we all ready?

Whyte: That’s all I had to say...

Dark Nexus: Okay, then we’re out of here.

*Kebs casts the teleportation spell, and they all disappear in a puff of smoke.*

(Scene: Blizzard HQ)

*Supernook, Fjorxc, Paranoid CWALer, Gluegun, Poeir, Mid Night, Snapper and Jolt are making their way through the halls.*

Fjorxc: Does anyone know exactly where we are going?

Supernook: Of course I do! Its just down this hall!

*Just then, Paranoid CWALer catches a glimpse of a man in a trench coat down one of the side halls.*

Paranoid CWALer: -=That guy looks suspiciously familiar.... I think I’d better investigate.=-

*Paranoid CWALer, who was at the back, heads off down the side hall. None of the others notice him leave, so they continue down the hall. Rounding the corner, they find PFBS blocking their way.*

Dark Nexus: What are you doing here?

Supernook: Well, we’re here to find.....

*Fjorxc sticks his elbow into Supernook’s side.*

Supernook: What’d you do that for?

Fjorxc: You were about to tell them why we were here!

Supernook: So?

Fjorxc: We’re here to find out if they work for Blizzard!

Supernook: Oh yeah......

Dark Nexus: To find..........

Supernook: -=Think quick, what else would we be here to find?=- Brood War. Yeah, that’s it, we’re here to find Brood War!

Dark Nexus: I’m afraid we can’t let you do that.

Supernook: Are you going to stop us?

*The PFBSers all pull out their weapons.*

Supernook: Me and my big mouth........

*The CWALers respond in kind, drawing their weapons and squaring off. Bergling immediately runs off down the hall screaming.*

Jolt: Hey, I might actually be able to win a fight!

*Jolt takes off down the hall after Bergling.*

Bergling: -=What was I supposed to do again? Oh yeah!=-

*Bergling pulls out a grenade and pulls the pin just as Jolt tackles him and proceeds to pummel him. The grenade goes off, sending little pieces of Jolt and Bergling all over the hall. Meanwhile, Supernook and Dark Nexus are fighting.*

Supernook: Just what is that thing, exactly?

Dark Nexus: It’s a "sun ray".

Supernook: Sun ray?

*Dark Nexus pulls the trigger, hitting Supernook dead on.*

Dark Nexus: Didn’t expect it to do that........

*Dark Nexus looks at Supernook, who is now wearing a pair of shorts and a hawaiian shirt instead of a parka, and holding a bamboo pole instead of a harpoon.*

Supernook: I don’t know how to fight with a bamboo pole!

Dark Nexus: Good!

*Dark Nexus charges at Supernook in an attempt to knock him out, but Supernook manages to bring up the pole in time to block the swing. While Dark Nexus and Supernook are fighting, Fjorxc and Thunder are playing hide and seek through the halls.*

Fjorxc: I’m gonna get you one of these times!

Thunder: Not if I get you first!

*Thunder squeezes off a shot, barely missing Fjorxc’s head. This goes on for a few moments, each of them trying to shoot the other, and always barely missing, until they are both out of ammo.*

Fjorxc: Ah, what the heck!

*Fjorxc charges at Thunder and hits him over the head with the empty gun. Thunder falls to the floor unconscious.*

Fjorxc: Wow, it worked!

*Fjorxc turns around to go help someone else, but unfortunately, he forgot that there was a wall there. He runs head-first into the wall and slumps down unconscious on the floor beside Thunder. Around the corner, Mid Night and the Speds face off.*

Mid Night: Eat flame!

Speds: Dude......

*The following scene has been edited out to keep the rating of this story at a suitable level, and to avoid making the pyromaniacs in the audience jealous.......*

*The flames subside, and Mid Night and the Speds are still standing there, burnt to a crisp, but still quite alive.*

Mid Night: *Cough* That’s a lot of fire..........

Speds: Dude.........

*Meanwhile, Kebs and Poeir are battling.*

Poeir: We’re in Blizzard, so lets HAVE a Blizzard!!!!

*Poeir attempts to cast blizzard, but just manages to get a slight snow-fall, along with making the hall a little colder.*

Kebs: My turn! Lets warm things up a bit!

*Kebs summons a fire ball, but she loses control. The fireball keeps getting bigger and bigger until it is far to large to keep stable.*

Kebs: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!

*Poeir and Kebs both dives for cover, just as the fireball explodes in, well, a fiery explosion. From somewhere down the hall........*

Speds: Dude, that was a big one!!!!!!

*Down the hall in the other direction, Magni and Gluegun are trying to immobilize each other.*

Gluegun: DIE YOU ELMERS LOVING BASTARD!!!!

Magni: I don’t use Elmers!

Gluegun: What? Oh well, die anyway!

*Gluegun fires a large glob of glue at Magni just as Magni launches a duct tape grenade. The 2 collide in a massive burst of glue and duct tape, sticking both Magni and Gluegun to the wall.*

Gluegun: Now THIS is a sticky situation......

Magni: No kidding.

*Around the corner, the 2 protoss fight it out. There are a large number of playing cards sticking out of the wall. Magnus manages to poke Snapper with his psi-forks.*

Magnus: Well, you seem to be a little under done!

*Snapper who is out of cards, tries to rush Magnus, but he manages to avoid Snapper and poke him again.*

(Scene: Somewhere else in Blizzard)

*Paranoid CWALer follows the man in the trench coat down a long hallway, but stops as the man goes through a door. Peeking through the crack in the door, Paranoid CWALer watches the man take off the trench coat to reveal the HP.*

HP: Hah! I knew that Paranoid CWALer would fall for that easily.

LCG: Of course he would! And of course, PFBS fell for that tip that we sent them.

HP: Well, given what they think they know, they had no other choice!

Paranoid CWALer: Oh my god! I found the wrong conspiracy!

*Paranoid CWALer rushes off to find tell the CWALers what he has discovered.*

(Scene: The fight)

*Dark Nexus and Supernook are trying to knock each other out, Dark Nexus using the now-drained "sun ray" and Supernook attempting to use the bamboo pole. Magni and Gluegun are still stuck to the wall. Magnus continues to poke Snapper while Mid Night and the Speds are still trying to put themselves out. Kebs and Poeir are still under cover waiting for the heat from the fireball to subside. Fjorxc and Thunder have both regained consciousness and are hitting each other over the head with their empty guns. Paranoid CWALer rounds the corner and sees the....... uhhhh....... carnage.*

Paranoid CWALer: STOP FIGHTING!

*Everyone stops and looks at Paranoid CWALer.*

Paranoid CWALer: This was all a Blizzard plot to turn us against each other!

Supernook: Weren’t you the one who insisted that PFBS was working for Blizzard?

Dark Nexus: What?!? Us working for Blizzard? Not a chance!

Paranoid CWALer: I know that now. The guy who gave me those pictures was the HP. It was LCG that sent you some tip.

*A murmur runs through the PFBS and CWAL members.*

Dark Nexus: What are we going to do about this?

Thunder: Don’t get mad, get even!

Supernook: Yeah, revenge is good.

(Scene: A few minutes later, HP’s office)

*The HP is sitting at his desk, trying to solve a rubix cube when there is a knock on the door.*

HP: Who is it?

*A secretary sticks her head in through a crack in the door.*

Secretary: There is an angry mob here to see you sir.

HP: Do they have an appointment?

*The secretary looks at a clip board.*

Secretary: Yes sir, they do.

*Thunder sticks his head in.*

Thunder: I called ahead!

*Thunder ducks back behind the door.*

HP: All right, let them in.

*The door opens wide and 6 angry CWALers and 10 angry PFBSers come through the door.*

HP: Eeep! Er, I mean, Hey what are you doing here!

Paranoid CWALer: I think you can figure that one out on your own, HP.

HP: Good point. Oh well, goodbye.

*The HP presses a button on his desk, and the swirling blue mist of an arbiter’s recall surrounds the HP and he disappears.*

Supernook: Now what are we gonna do?

Dark Nexus: I don’t know. Trash the place?

Supernook: Sounds good to me.

Thunder: Uh, people, we have company!

*Charging towards the HP’s office from every direction possible is a large number of Flensers.*

Fjorxc: Oh crap.

*Magni and Gluegun look at each other.*

Magni: Lets do it!

*They both start firing, blocking off hallways with their glue and tape. Magni tosses one of the special grenades down one hall. It explodes covering the Flensers with tape. A few seconds later, they start falling apart from the rust.*

Magni: Wow, that stuff is powerful!

Gluegun: What is that stuff anyway?

Magni: Special glue that Whyte created. Makes metal rust.

Gluegun: Cool.

*Despite Gluegun and Magni’s efforts, the Flensers are still getting through.*

Supernook: Okay, everyone back into the office!

Dark Nexus: You heard the man!

*Everyone backs into the office, weapons drawn. Everyone stops and looks at Thunder.*

Thunder: What, haven’t you ever seen an elephant gun before?

Dark Nexus: Can either of you get us out of here?

Poeir: I really don’t think you want me to teleport us anywhere.....

Kebs: I can, but I need a bit of time to gather my concentration.

Supernook: Then lets get you that time.

*Just as Supernook gets those words out, Flensers start barging through the doorway. Thunder takes out the first 2 with the elephant gun. Magni and Gluegun manage to stick a few to the wall. Dark Nexus keeps firing with his shotgun and explosive rounds. The Speds and Mid Night are overheating Flensers left and right. Snapper is lobbing off heads with his cards, while Magnus is poking them in important areas with his psi-forks. Fjorxc, Poeir and Paranoid CWALer are attempting to distract the Flensers attention away from Kebs. Supernook is standing in front of Kebs keeping the Flensers away with the bamboo pole.*

Dark Nexus: How are we doing back there, I’m running out of ammo!

*No sooner did he say those words than Kebs started to cast the spell.*

Thunder: Hey, I have an idea!

*Thunder waits until Kebs is almost done casting the spell, and he drops 5 primed grenades on the floor. They all disappear. 3 seconds later, there is a large explosion, and Flenser parts come flying into the hall from the HP’s office.*

(Scene: Outside CWAL HQ)

*The PFBSers and the CWALers appear.*

Poeir: Wow, you have that one down pat!

Paranoid CWALer: Sorry, I guess I was wrong about you guys.

Dark Nexus: No problem. Know what, we forgot to trash the HP’s office!

Supernook: You kidding? Did you see that place when we left?

Dark Nexus: Good point. Well, lets go.

*Kebs once again works her magic and PFBS disappears.*

Fjorxc: See, I told you!

(Scene: Blizzard)

*The HP walks into his office, and a blood curdling scream can be heard.*

HP: THEY DESTROYED ALL MY EVIL PLOTS! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Fade to black)