Blizzard, meet PFBS (Part 1)

(Scene: PFBS Conference Room)

*PFBS is seated around the conference table.*

Dark Nexus: People, I believe it is time we made a move against Blizzard.

Magni: About time!

Thunder: I suggest we blow them up.

Speds: Hehe, fire!

Kebs: No, if we blow them up, then we won’t get Brood War!

*Thunder grumbles in agreement, but is obviously disappointed.*

Kebs: Okay, so what is the plan?

Nexus: Well, I’ll let Whyte explain.

Whyte: Well, we believe that after failing with the mind control Cgi at Starcraft.Org, they have put mind control in the Starcraft Compendium.

Nexus: Also, while we’re there, we’ll see if we can get our hands on a copy of Brood War.

Whyte: Yes. That is part of the plan. My plan. My really good plan. The plan I am TRYING to explain.

Nexus: Oh, sorry. Please continue.

Whyte: Okay. Here is the plan. Kebs, you teleport the group into the Blizzard basement. There are numerous empty rooms down there, so it shouldn’t be too much trouble to get in unnoticed.

Kebs: But what about their security system?

*Whyte sets a device on the table.*

Whyte: That’s what this is for. It will jam all sensors, but surveillance cameras are still a problem. It will keep you from being spotted by them by jamming the image, but if they are being monitored, Blizzard will know that you are there.

*The rest of PFBS nod in acceptance, except for the Speds, who are trying to put their chairs out.*

Whyte: Now, once in, you must move carefully to avoid detection.

*Whyte hits a button on a remote, blueprints come up on the screen behind Dark Nexus.*

Whyte: These are the latest blueprints we’ve been able to get of Blizzard HQ. Be warned, they are a few months old, and with all the CWAL assaults, they may have changed quite a bit. As of these blueprints, the areas you’ll want to avoid are (pointing at the blueprints) here, here and here. The Flenser production faciltiy, the receptionist’s lounge, and Flenser storage. Going near any of these places could be very bad for your health.

*PFBS nods their heads in agreement, except for the Speds, who having put the fires on their chairs out, are now trying to do the same for their clothing.*

Whyte: Now, (pointing at the blueprints) this is where you will most likely find the web server. I’ll give you a CD, that when inserted, will autorun and search for the mind control script. When it finds it, the program will then purge that code from the system.

Nexus: Okay, sounds easy enough.

Whyte: Not really. The server is probably heavily guarded after the successful CWAL raid on Starcraft.Org. They won’t be taking that many chances.

Nexus: Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.

Whyte: I hope so. Now, the most likely location for a copy of Brood War is (once again pointing at the blueprints) here, in this very heavy vault. This is where you come in Thunder. You will have to blow off the door with some explosives.

Thunder: Yes! I actually get to have some fun!!

Whyte: Yes, and would someone please put them out??

*They all look at the Speds, who, having failed to put their flaming clothes out, all look like very bright candles.*

Kebs: Here, I’ll try a new spell.

Magni: No! Wait! There is a fire extinguisher over there!

*Before Kebs can cast her spell, Magni rushes over and, grabbing the fire extinguisher, puts the fires out.*

Whyte: Better. Now, are there any questions?

Sped: Dude, do we get to light things on fire?

Whyte: Maybe.

Speds: Gnarly!

Bergling: Do I have to go?

Whyte: Yes.

*Bergling sinks into the back of his chair, trying desperately to disappear.*

Nexus: Well, if there are no more questions, we leave in 2 hours. Oh, (to the Speds) and guys, get that foam off you before we go.

*All of PFBS get up and walk out of the room.*

(Scene: PFBS Armory, 1 hour, 45 minutes later)

*All members of PFBS walk in.*

Dark Nexus: Okay people, time to load up!

*Magni stocks up on rolls of duct tape, picks up some duct tape grenade, and a duct tape rocket launcher. Thunder picks up a few packs of C-4, 2 detonators, 2 .44 magnums, and a chain gun with armor piercing rounds. Kebs picks up her shotgun and staff. Magni hands Bergling a knife. The Speds all pick up flame throwers and incendiary grenades. Dark Nexus picks up his shotgun, and is on his way out when he notices a new gun that wasn’t there the day before. He picks it up.*

Nexus: Hey, Whyte! What’s this thing?

Whyte: That? That is the lobotomizer. It’s an instant lobotomy for the target, but it hasn’t even made it to the testing phase yet.

Nexus: Well, no better way to test it than in the field.

Whyte: Well, I guess as long as you are careful........

Nexus: Good. Anything else Whyte?

Whyte: Well, you might want to take the CD. And does someone have the jammer?

Nexus: Yeah, the CD might be a good idea. As for the jammer, I think Magni has it.

Magni: Yep!

Whyte: Okay, looks like you are ready to go. Good luck.

*Kebs starts to cast the teleportation spell.*

Nexus (as he fades out of sight): Hopefully we won’t need it.

Whyte (now alone in the room): I hope you’re right.

(Scene: Blizzard security post)

*A guard is sitting at the post, watching the monitors. All of a sudden, one gets filled with snow.*

SG: Uhhhhh, I don’t think that is right. Better tell someone.

*He hits a button, and ScottM walks out of a room.*

ScottM: This better be good.

SG: This security camera just went offline.

ScottM: That’s not good.

*He presses a button and speaks into a microphone.*

ScottM: We have a security breach in the basement, send someone to deal with it.

(Scene: Blizzard basement)

*PFBS is walking through the halls, trying to make their way to the server housing the Starcraft Compendium.*

Thunder: Well, so far so good.

Magni: Awww, why’d you have to go and say that? Now we’ll probably get attacked.

*As if on cue, a squad of Commandos round the corner.*

Squad Leader: Stop intruders! Surrender and we may let you live!

Dark Nexus: And if we don’t surrender?

SL: Then we will be forced to open fire.

*Thunder looks at Nexus. Nexus, seeing this, just nods. A grin spreads across Thunder’s face as he pulls out the chain gun.*

Thunder: Lets get ready to rummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmblllllllllllllllllllllle!

SL: Oh crap. RETREAT!!!

*The commandos turn around and start to run back the way they came. Thunder opens fire and cuts down some of them, but most manage to get away. He then holds the barrel of the chain up to his mouth and blows away the smoke coming out.*

Thunder: Sweet........

Kebs: Oh no, some of them got away. They’ll be back with reinforcements.

Nexus: Very good point, I’d suggest that we move a little quicker.

*PFBS picks up the pace. Suddenly, Bergling notices that the Speds are missing. He turns back and goes to look for them. The rest of the group rounds a corner, and there, right in front of them is the room containing the server. They enter into the room without any difficulty. In the middle of the room was the server.*

Nexus: I believe that we have found what we are looking for.

Thunder: Man, this is too easy

Magni: Would you shut up!!! Do you realize what you’ve done??

*Once again, as if on cue, a large number of security guards barge into the room.*

SGs: You are not allowed to be in here!

Nexus: Don’t worry, I’ll handle them!

*Dark Nexus pulls out the Lobotomizer, aims, and fires. Nothing happens.*

Nexus (dropping the Lobotomizer): That’s right, these are Blizzard security guards. This thing won’t do anything to them. Everyone, shall we?

Magni: With pleasure.

*Right about then, all hell breaks loose in that little room. Magni fires a duct tape rocket, taping a large of SGs to the wall. Thunder opens fire with his magnums, picking off SG after SG. Nexus whips out his shotgun and starts blowing holes clean through some of the SGs. Kebs casts a spell, and a number of the SGs stop attacking and singing "Ring around the rosy".*

Kebs: Hmmm, that wasn’t supposed to happen.

*Just as our heroes were beginning to thin out the numbers of SGs, reinforcements arrive, in the form of Flensers.*

Nexus: Kebs and I will deal with the remaining guards! Magni, you and Thunder deal with the Flensers!

Magni & Thunder: Gotcha!

*Magni and Thunder turn their attention to the incoming flood of Flensers. Magni throws a duct tape grenade in the direction of the door. It explodes, taping the Flensers that were coming through the door to the frame, and blocking off the only entrance.*

Magni: That should hold them for a little while!

*He then returns to the task of dealing with the Flensers that have already entered the room. Thunder, after trying unsuccessfully to destroy the Flensers with his magnums, pulls out the chain gun.*

Thunder: Hasta la vista, baby!

*Thunder opens fire. The armor piercing rounds rip through the nearest Flenser. He begins to spray the room, taking out the Flensers, one by one. Over his insane laughter, he fails to notice the Flensers approaching him from behind. They stick a needle into his neck. The chain gun stops spewing its deadly ammo as Thunder falls to the ground unconcious. Other Flensers do the same to the others. Dark Nexus is the last to go. The last thing he sees is the CEO walk into the room, then everything goes black.*


Blizzard, meet PFBS (Part 2)


(Scene: Blizzard Dungeon)

*Thunder sits up, holding his head.*

Thunder: Ohhhh, what happened??

Dark Nexus: We were captured. They sedated us.

Thunder: Crap. How long was I out?

*He looks around, and sees Magni huddled in the corner, and Kebs sitting there, mouth opening and closing, but no words were coming out.*

Thunder: And what happened to them?

Nexus: You’ve been out for a few hours now. Magni has gone into withdrawal, since they confiscated his Cherry Coke supply. As for Kebs, they injected something into her blood stream so she would temporarily loose her voice, so she couldn’t cast spells.

Thunder: Any chance of escape?

Nexus: Not really. All we’ve got to work with is what Kebs has in her pockets.

Thunder: What happened to the rest of our stuff? Why only what’s in her pockets?

Nexus: Well, she was the only one they didn’t search.

Thunder: Why not?

(Scene: Blizzard Dungeon, 2 hours earlier)

SG1: Who’s next?

SG2: I think she is.

SG1 (A grin spreading across his face): Okay.

*Hearing this, Dark Nexus turns around and stares the SGs in the eyes. We see the back of Nexus’ head and the faces of the SGs. They stay like this for a few seconds. The SGs get a shocked look on their faces.*

SG1: Umm, I think it might be a good idea if we skip her....

SG2: Yeah.......

(Scene: Blizzard Dungeon, Present Time)

Thunder: Oh. Any chance of rescue?

Nexus: Well.......

Thunder: Well what?

Nexus: Well, yes, but.......

Thunder: But......

Nexus: But, this chance depends on Bergling and the Speds.

Thunder: Damn. Looks like we’re going to be stuck here for awhile.

"Oh, don’t count on that."

*Dark Nexus and Thunder both turn and see the CEO standing just outside the cell.*

CEO: I have plans for you.

Dark Nexus: So you are the CEO. You truly are a being of evil.

CEO: Thank you, but flattery will get you nowhere.

Dark Nexus: It wasn’t meant as a compliment.

CEO: Oh, I know. I’d suggest that you try to enjoy your last few hours on this earth.

*With that, the CEO turns around and walks out.*

Dark Nexus: This is not good. Not good at all.

(Scene: Blizzard Basement)

*Bergling comes around the corner to find the Speds sitting there, trying to light the wall on fire.*

Bergling: Uh, guys? That wall is metal.

Sped #1 (to others): Dudes, that’s why it wasn’t working!

Other Speds: Dude.........

*Just then, a security guard comes around the corner.*

SG: I found you! Time for you to join your friends in the dungeon!

*Bergling, sensing danger, begins to run around wildly while screaming at the top of his lungs. The SG pulls out a gun, and aims at Bergling. Before he can fire though, the Speds let loose a stream of fire, turning the SG into a human torch.*

Sped: Dudes, we forgot the marshmallows!

Other Speds: Bummer.

Bergling: That guy said that the others are in the dungeon! We have to save them!

Speds: Gnarly.

*Bergling and the Speds head off down the corridor trying to find the dungeon.*

(Scene: Dungeon)

*Magni is going through convulsions in the corner. Kebs is desperately trying to talk. Dark Nexus and Thunder are trying to find a way out.*

Nexus: Let me see. We already tried the credit card, and it didn’t work. All we’ve got now is a lighter, a few meters of dental floss, a pack of gum, and 32 cents in change.

Thunder: Somehow, I don’t think that will be enough to get us out of here......

Nexus: No, me either. Hey Kebs, any ideas?

*Kebs shakes her head, indicating no.*

Thunder: Damn. I knew I should have watched more MacGyver!

Nexus: Wait a minute, I have an idea.

*Dark Nexus ties the dental floss around the pack of gum. He then whispers in Thunder’s ear and hands him the tea leaves.*

Thunder (to the security guards): Hey, want some tea? Its really good!

SGs: Sure, why not?

*The security guards walk over to the bars to get the tea leaves. As soon as they are occupied, Dark Nexus tries to get the keys using the dental floss, with the gum as a weight. Unfortunately, the dental floss was just a little too short. The security guards finish getting the tea leaves and head back to their seats, oblivious to the fact that an escape attempt had just been made.*

Nexus: Okay, now we don’t have any tea leaves. Anyone else have any ideas?

(Scene: Outside the dungeon)

*Bergling and the Speds have managed to make their way to the dungeon without further incident, other than the Speds lighting themselves on fire once.*

Bergling: Okay, this is the plan. You guys run in and start lighting everything on fire.....

Speds: GNARLY!!!

Bergling: Cause as much havoc as possible. During this confusion, I’ll try and get the keys. Got it?

*The Speds nod yes.*

Bergling: Good. Let’s go!

*Bergling and the Speds barge into the dungeon. The Speds start lighting everything on fire. Bergling makes a break for the keys and when he gets them, runs for the cell. When he reaches the cell, he looks inside.*

Bergling: GUYS!! CEASE FIRE!!

*The Speds stop firing. They all look around. The room they are in is completely empty.*

Bergling: Wrong dungeon.

(Scene: The CORRECT dungeon, 2 minutes later)

*The 2 security guards are sitting at a table. On the table in front of each of them are 8 cards, face up.*

SG1: Have any 2s?

SG2 (Looking at the cards in front of him, and doesn’t see any 2s): No, go fish.

*The first guard picks up a card off the top of the deck, it is an 8. He places it face up with the others.*

SG2: Now, do you have any 2s?

*The first security guard looks at the cards in front of him.*

SG1: No, go fish.

*Thunder has been standing by the bars, watching the guards play.*

Thunder: This seems a little fishy....

*The door to the room bursts into flame. As the SGs turn around to see why, 5 insane pyros come rushing into the room. They start lighting everything on fire. The SGs run over and ry to stop them. As soon as their backs are turned, Bergling comes into the room and runs over to the keys and picks them up off the shelf. He then proceeds to the cell and unlocks the door.*

Thunder: About time you guys got here!

*Thunder and Dark Nexus run over to where the SGs are trying to handle the Speds, and hit the SGs over the back of the head with chairs, knocking them out. They then proceed to the a locked cabinet in the corner. Using the keys that Bergling got, they open it up. Inside is all their equipment.*

Nexus: Man, these guys really are stupid. They left all our equipment here for us to get again!

*The PFBSers re-arm themselves. Dark Nexus picks up Magni’s cherry coke supply and walks into the cell and reconnects it.*

Nexus: There, he should be able to walk, but it’ll be awhile before he can fight though, at least until the caffeine gets spread throughout his system.

Thunder: Lets rock and roll!

*With that *snicker* battle cry, PFBS headed out of the dungeon to complete their mission. They soon made their way to the web server, encountering little resistance, and easily dispatching the few SGs they came across. Dark nexus takes out the CD and puts it into the drive. A message pops up onto the screen that says "Searching: 2 minutes remaining."*

Dark Nexus: Okay, people. We have to hold this position for 2 more minutes, and we can probably expect some company soon. Magni, think you can fight?

Magni: Yeah, probably.

Nexus: Good. Kebs, how about you? Can you talk yet?

*Kebs shakes her head, indicating no.*

Nexus: Damn. We could have used a little magic. I guess you’ll just have to rely on your shotgun for now.

*A few seconds later, the door gets blown in, and Flensers start coming through. Magni once again tosses a grenade at the door, and once again tapes a few Flensers to the frame, blocking off all entry.*

Magni: Somehow, I don’t think that will hold them long!

Nexus: Neither do I!

*Nexus looks at the screen. 1:45 left. Thunder’s chain gun cycles up, and he starts pumping the Flensers full of bullets. The Flensers at the door manage to cut themselves free. Dark Nexus and Kebs open fire with their shotguns, while the Speds let loose their destructive flame.*

Nexus: All we’re doing is slowing them down! Thunder, we need a little help here!

Thunder: Gotcha!

*Thunder turns around and once again opens fire on the Flensers, ripping through them.*

Nexus: Now, all we have to do is hold out, then get out!

*No sooner did he get those words out, than Thunder’s chain gun slowly stops spinning.*

Thunder: Crap, out of ammo!

Nexus: Not good, Magni?

Magni: On it!

*Magni fires a tape rocket at the Flensers coming through the doorway. It explodes, and tapes all the Flensers to the wall, completely covering the doorway.*

Thunder: How long left?

*Dark Nexus looks at the screen.*

Nexus: 5..... 4..... 3...... 2..... 1..... 0.

*The screen starts flashing the message "Search complete, files found and deleted."*

Nexus: Time for us to get out of here! Thunder, think you could make us another door?

Thunder: With pleasure!

*Thunder goes to work setting the explosives against one wall. Knowing that it was a small room, he went easy. He wires the C-4 up, and hits the detonator. A large hole is made in the side of the wall.*

Nexus: Everyone out! Kebs, your voice?

Kebs (very, VERY silently): Barely, but I need a little time to get us out of here.

Nexus: Well, see what you can do.

Magni: They’re coming through again!

Nexus: Damn. Everyone, run!

*PFBS goes out through the hole that Thunder created. They then take off down the hall, the Flensers chasing them, and Bergling screaming all the way. They reach a fork in the hall. Thunder, getting an idea, throws Bergling down the other direction than what the rest of them go. Bergling gets up, and starts to turn around to go the other way, but seeing all the Flensers coming his way, runs off down the hall that he is in. The Flensers, overcome by the sound of Bergling’s high pitched wail, chase after him, leaving the rest of PFBS to escape.*

Nexus: Good move Thunder, you bought us some time, lets hope it’s enough. Kebs, do your stuff.

Kebs: Gladly.

*Kebs mumbles something, and they all disappear.*

(Scene: CEO’s office)

CEO: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ESCAPED?!?!?

HP: They escaped, managed to get all the copies of the mind control CGI and eliminated quite a few guards and Flensers in the process.

CEO: Someone is going to pay for this!

(Scene: PFBS HQ)

*The PFBSers come through the door. Whyte is there to greet them.*

Whyte: Welcome back. I trust that the mission was successful?

Nexus: Yes, but we lost Bergling and failed to get a copy of Brood War.

Whyte: Oh well. We have another situation. It seems that OEEP/KC is attempting to take over Canada. Well, at least Revenant is.

Nexus: Well, we won’t let them take it without a fight. Load up everyone, lets go!

Whyte: Fron and Fjorxc are waiting for you in London.

Nexus: Off to Toronto then!!

Magni: But he said London....

Nexus: I know, but I have an idea......

(Scene: Fron’s house in London, Ontario)

*The door opens and all of PFBS walks in.*

Fron: What took you guys so long?

Nexus: Sorry, we had a problem at Blizzard to deal with, and then we stopped to pick up some, *ahem*, help.

Fron: And where is this help?

Kebs: Well.....

*Kebs motions towards the door. They all go outside. Sitting on the front lawn is a strange looking weapon, with a man in a military uniform standing beside it.*

Man: Hello, I am Colonel Stacey, but you can call me Theresa.

Nexus: As you probably know, this is the Chicken Cannon. We’ve found the most repulsive ammunition we could find - Spice Girls action figures.

*Fron and Fjorxc shudder.*

Fron: Vicious. Bring it on Revenant, we’re ready for you and your Y-bots!

(Fade to black)